Hi
I am 3 months into a relationship which has been for me quite intense with constant communication (everything I have always wanted) For him this is how he likes relationships - long term, steady and serious almost from the start. We have now hit a bump in the road and he has decided that that's it and he tried and it's not gonna work and has totally reduced any communication - saying he needs space (just over a week - bump happened Friday night and we will speak on Sunday night) I want to try and work things out as I don't think this is the end of our story and at present my emotions are involved are all over the place as this sudden lack of contact has came out of nowhere. Background to the situation. I'm 51 single no kids never married
He is twice divorced with 2 kids(15,17)in one country and one kid(8) in another. He lives in a third country and me in a fourth !!! I know I haven't made it easy on myself !!! He travels alternative weekends to see his kids and having not seen them for over 2 yrs because of Covid 19, this is non negotiable. I am willing to accommodate this and travel to see him when I have time off. He did say that he would take some time off in Oct to spend with me but now his boys want him to spend time with them somewhere all together. Obviously this disappointed me and I told him so and that is when he backed off saying he can't give me what I want, I deserve better, I'll get bored, he'll end up being the bad guy, this is what has happened in his other relationships, everyone abandons him, he's never good enough to stick around for etc. End of story.
I want him to know that I am willing to work around the limitations of what he can give as at present my life is a very full life and I don't want him or anyone else 24/7. I realize that a time may come when this changes and if so I am willing to move to where he lives.
I don't want to sound as if I'm trying to manipulate him but how can I make him see that things don't have to be so black and white .... there is no rush .... let's take things as they come. He has been an all or nothing guy up to this point so I know this way of looking at a relationship with me or anyone else is completely alien to him
So ........
Do I stay and work this out with him ?
Do I continue to support him even if he says he can't see how this can work ?
Do I jump ship and count my lucky stars ?
I am not in love with him but we are so compatible in so many ways and more importantly share a lot of similar values in life. I feel he has cut this off temporarily because he is afraid of becoming the bad guy once again and is also scared to give things a try. I know he is hurting at the moment also so it's not that his feelings have changed. I think he has just realized that what he had hoped our relationship would be isn't possible and yes that's disappointing for both of us but can't we start to create something that is possible and acceptable to us both ...... or am I fooling myself and delaying the inevitable ?
All opinions gratefully received. My friends have given me their advice but it would be great to hear from someone objective and especially for someone who may have lived through or be in a similar situation.
THANK YOU ALL XXX
Please keep us posted!